8:58 AM - I got kicked out of bar sinister!
I don't even know particularly why. I was stumbling around a lot, guess they thought I was too drunk or something. Poop. Out the door. doy. it's a fucking club. one of my friends got kicked out of Moscow. I'm really starting to hate Boardners.
One person who I hadn't seen in a while told me I looked like I had gained weight [in a good way]. I've lost 5 lbs. since I've seen her, but that's a great way to boost the ol' self esteeem. You don't tell a former anorexic that they look like they've gained weight. I will sock you in the face and ask questions later.
Talked to the door/coat check lady for a while, that was cool. Had a dream about visiting a friend who apologized and said it was going to be a few more days.
My friends and I do not approve, judgment is lacking in certain areas. But whatever is fine. Explanations to intuition - it's gonna go in one ear and out the other. Not like anyone cares.
Walked home crying, and giving other people dirty looks.
I'm accepting in some situations because I don't want to lose things. But the "how could you be such a dumbass" factor is gonna pop up occasionally no matter what in regard to some situations I'm still pissed off about.
Nobody is gonna come running back to me. Nobody is going to turn to me. I don't care anymore.
None of that had anything to do with what I was crying about. I was just pissed off. People piss me off. I think I cried at some point in the club because I realized how stupid everybody was. And nobody would understand why.
My one moment of compassion. It's over, too.
AND - I just killed the biggest roach EVER. Size of my thumb. GROSS.